An Aging in Place Perspective
Aging in place is a somewhat difficult topic, living in denial isn’t uncommon. As a realtor, I have witnessed the best in people, (and sadly, the worst). Usually though, families and friends come together and give amazing compassionate care to their beloved aging parents, and grandparents and life-long friends. The dignity and respect they offer through the giving of their time and resources is inspiring. It isn’t any wonder the 5th commandment in the Bible offers a promised blessing for those who honor their father and mother.
In the spring of 1999, I faced a difficult decision when my ailing mother’s medication caused her to experience confusion. I will never forget the look of fear in her eyes one evening when I stopped by to check on her, she seemed out of it and confused. At the moment it happened, I suspected she had a stroke, (she had one before) so I went into first responder mode. Thankfully, it was her medication dosage, she accidently took a double dosage. However, this episode raised serious concerns about her living alone.
Beloved Grandma
At the time, I was a single dad with a nine-year-old son, and the impact of losing my autonomy to take on the role of caregiver wasn’t lost on me. I was only 34 years old and just wasn’t ready for that kind of change. But after her and I carefully weighed her options, I realized that I was being silly. The fact was that my young son and I were already spending a lot of time at her place anyway, he felt completely at home at grandma’s watching Mr. Rogers on the television and sharing a meal with her.
Mom and I put our resources together and found a house one street over from my son’s mom, with the easy access of him to his mom, it wasn’t a difficult decision, everyone was pleased. We purchased that house in April of that year, looking back, I am so grateful we had that time together. There were days she was still strong, and I came home to find a home cooked meal waiting for me after work. I also realized my privacy issues were unfounded and that this was not a thirty-something “living with my parent’s scenario”.
Our time together was cut short, my mother passed away that following August. However, the choice between an impersonal assisted living facility or sharing a home with mom not only made financial sense. In a practical sense, it allowed us to avoid some difficult decisions later on with the task of clearing out a lifetime of memories. Furthermore, it avoided the immediate necessity of going through stuff from her place after she suddenly passed later that year.
Time, a Valued Commodity
For my son, he loved that time with his grandmother, that really wouldn’t have happened nearly as much if we chose an assisted living space for her. I am not against those places, many of those professionals nearly walk on water, but I know that time with her would have been limited to short visits instead of hours sharing meals and just moments at home, together.
Looking back, all these years later, my experience with my mom highlights the importance of being willing to make difficult decisions and embracing change. This is especially important when it comes to caring for our loved ones.
Looking Back
Over the past two decades, I have served many families in making these types of transitions. Everything from downsizing, moving closer to their children or siblings. Sometimes helping them get to a first-class facility, Veteran foster home, and long-term memory care facilities.
Be Willing to Give Whatever is Necessary
Helping aging parents prepare to sell the family home can be emotionally taxing. It can bring up a range of emotions and memories for both the parents and the adult children involved in the process. On one hand, the parents may feel a sense of loss and grief as they say goodbye to a place that has been the center of their family memories and history for so many years. On the other hand, the adult children may feel a sense of guilt, sadness, and anxiety as they witness their parents struggle with the decision to let go of a place that holds so much sentimental value.
In addition to the emotional toll, there can be a lot of practical considerations that need to be addressed when selling a family home. This can include sorting through years of accumulated possessions, making necessary repairs and renovations, and dealing with the logistics of putting a home on the market. All of these tasks can be overwhelming for aging parents who may be dealing with health issues or other challenges.
LISTEN! How to Approach the Process
If there is one piece of advice that is always wise, listen. Listen, ask questions, but do not formulate a plan until you ask a lot of questions. Evaluate if their answers are based in fear, worry, doubt, or not wanting to be burden for their adult children. I have had a recent sale where a daughter and son-in-law were honored to care for an aging parent, but the parent was convinced they were going to be a burden to them. It’s important for adult children to approach the process with empathy, sensitivity, and patience. It’s important to listen to parents’ concerns and feelings allowing them time to process. Always involve them in the decision-making process as much as possible. This can help to alleviate some of the stress and anxiety that both parties may be feeling.
Hidden Opportunity
While it can be a difficult and emotional process, helping aging parents prepare to sell the family home can also be an opportunity for growth, reflection, and connection. It can be a time to celebrate the memories and experiences that were created in the home, and to honor the legacy that the parents have created for their family.
Major Considerations
Helping an aging parent decide where to age in place can be a difficult decision. One of the most important factors to consider is the parent’s health and mobility needs. If they have specific medical conditions or require assistance with daily tasks, it may be necessary to choose a location that offers specialized care or support services.
Don’t Dismiss Their Network
It’s also important to consider the social and emotional needs of the parent. If they have a strong network of friends and family nearby, they may want to stay in their current home or move to a location that is close to their support system.
Another factor to consider is the parent’s financial situation along with the community resources. Aging in place can be expensive, and it’s important to choose a location that is affordable and sustainable for the long-term.
Mobility Concerns
There are several financial concerns that should be considered when planning for aging in place. First and foremost, it’s important to assess the costs associated with home modifications or renovations that may be necessary to accommodate the parent’s changing needs. This can include things like installing grab bars and handrails, widening doorways, or adding a stair lift.
In addition to home modifications, there may be ongoing costs associated with aging in place, such as the cost of hiring in-home care providers or transportation services. It’s important to factor these costs into your budget and consider whether you’ll need to make adjustments to your parent’s retirement income or savings.
Financial Concerns and Unexpected Expenses
Another financial concern is the potential for unexpected expenses, such as medical emergencies or home repairs. It’s important to have a plan in place for how these expenses will be handled, whether through insurance, savings, or other resources.
It is extremely important to consider the long-term financial sustainability of aging in place. This may involve reviewing your parent’s retirement savings, insurance coverage, and other financial resources to ensure that they will be able to afford the costs associated with aging in place over the long term.
Overall, it’s important to approach the financial aspects of aging in place with careful planning and consideration, in order to ensure that your parent is able to live comfortably and securely in their own home as they age.
Use a Checklist
One helpful tool for evaluating different aging in place options is a checklist. This can help you and your parent identify the most important factors to consider and compare different options side-by-side. Ultimately, the decision of where to age in place should be made in consultation with the parent, taking into account their preferences, needs, and goals for the future.
Aging in Place Options
As seniors age, many prefer to stay in their own homes instead of moving with you or a care facility. Aging in place can be a viable option for those who want to maintain their independence.
Aging in place refers to the ability of a person to live independently and comfortably in their own home or community as they grow older. This means that they can continue to live in the same home for as long as possible, even as their physical or mental health needs change over time. There are various options available for seniors who wish to age in place, such as home modifications, assistive technology, and in-home care services. There is many aging in place options, carefully, and in my family, prayerfully consider each one.
Home Modifications
Some seniors may require home modifications to ensure their safety and comfort. This can include installing grab bars in the bathroom, adding ramps to entrances, or lowering cabinets and countertops. It’s important to be aware of trip and fall hazards for seniors. Taking steps to prevent falls, such as installing grab bars and removing clutter from walkways, can help seniors stay safe and independent in their own homes.
In-home Care
In-home care for seniors is a service that provides assistance and support to older adults who wish to remain in their own homes rather than move to a nursing home or assisted living facility. This type of care can include help with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, and grooming, as well as assistance with medication management, meal preparation, and light housekeeping. In-home care for seniors can also provide companionship and social interaction, which can help reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. Overall, in-home care can be a great option for seniors who want to maintain their independence and age in place.
Assisted Living
For those who need more assistance than in-home care can provide, assisted living facilities may be a good option. These facilities offer a range of services and amenities, including meals, housekeeping, and transportation.
Continuing Care Retirement Communities
Continuing care retirement communities offer a range of living options, from independent living to assisted living and skilled nursing care. This allows seniors to age in place without having to move to a new location if their needs change.
